They make me so upset.

I hate this. Not having anyone to talk to when things are horrible.

I have no one here, you're my only friend Paige. Its gone back to exactly like what it was before I knew you.

I hate it.
I swear I'm going to go mental.
I eat.
I work.
I sleep.
I draw.
I read.
I write.
I have no one.
I've gone for a walk once with Tara, and I've hung out once with Jacinta. Went to the movies with Cory. Now I am going to the island with Simone.
I don't go out and do anything. I want to go to a kings game... I want to go and do something, but there is nothing? I go out for a drive in my car, but where does that get me? Lund... wow... And then I just waste a half a tank of gas. Wow, that was eventful...

My parents just don't get it. They love it. I spend every waking moment with them, looking after Sean, watching their movies, serving my father. I hate it, and now they go and tell me that if I don't get accepted, I have to stay here! I get the fact that they can't pay for me when I'm not going to school, I get that, and I accept the fact that I will have to work like 2 jobs if I go there. I get it. I just can't stay here with them. They are driving me insane. I don't want to be their little babysitter/housekeeper anymore. I love them, I do, but I need to freaking leave. I need space from them. Aren't I old enough to leave if I want to? I've lived here a year out of school, and from that year, well... I just cant do it.

I can't do it. I don't want to do it. I hate Powell River. I hate it here. And you wont be here if I have to stay here.
Living for this month without you has not been fun, eventful, joyful or anything of that sort.
Its been hard, just bearable, boring, monotonous, black and white. If I have to stay here without you... I seriously... I just... well it just wont happen. I will freaking run away.

I get the fact that staying here would be the smart thing to do, money wise, but I wont be happy. What the fuck! Am I just going to stay here and work... work, sleep, eat, draw? Wow, what a fun fucking life that would be.
At least if I move away, I can go and do courses that can help me get better at drawing. I'll be able to have a life. I might be just eating, sleeping, drawing and working when I move away, but at least it will be something different. It will be colourful... Different, my own life! I will be able to waste a half a tank of gas and go somewhere with it... Not just end up at some dead end road that lead me to no where. Not like I haven't seen the ocean before with some large green tree's.

I don't just want to move out, I want to move away. I can't stand it here. I'm beginning to loathe the people here. My co-workers. I don't understand how people who grew up here, can move out... and just like... move down the street. How does that even work! I can't comprehend the point of moving out of the house... to another house just 10 minutes away.
Thats just not for me. I need to leave. I don't want to do the smart thing for once. I want to be reckless and move away from them. Jesus, If Vanessa can do it, I think I can do it!

Tomorrow, while everyone is out, I'm going to pack up some of my stuff. Like all my books. I'll pack them up into some boxes and stuff. I'll take all my posters down, all of them and all the stuff on my walls. Show them that I am really going to leave, accepted or not. And wtf, I AM GOING TO GET BLOODY ACCEPTED! Stupid parents... Ugh, I wish you were here.

You've no idea. I miss you Paige. I miss my best friend, the one and only who I confide it. The one who makes all the stupid pain and hurt go away. God, I miss you. When you get back, you're in for one hell of a rant from me.
God I missss you. You've been gone for far too long! I want you to come home. Being patient is so not my thing. I'm definitely not made of steel, iron or anything strong. I'm marshmallow. But hey, least I'm somewhat cute. I could be pink marshmallow, all fluffy and stuff. :D

Ugh I missssssssss you!!!!
:( I love you.
XOX