i feel helpless, small and finite.

I don't know what to do, I feel so helpless with everything right now.
I feel as if everything is falling apart and there is nothing I can do about.
Really there isn't anything I can do, but I wish there was.
My father lost his job, my mother is supporting all of us, and I have nothing saved up really for living down in Vancouver. What if I cant go to school. What if I get accepted, but don't have the money! What if I fail. This is stressing me out and I feel as if there is nothing I can do. I will probably have to work two jobs, two part time jobs?
What does one do in a situation like this? Go with the flow? Let the pieces fall where they may? How can I live like that, I feel so out of control, like I have no choice of what happens.
I wish my best friend were here, to tell me it will all be okay, or that thats just life, its never fair and we just have to live with it.
Stupid saying that is, never fair and we have to live with it. Its my bloody destiny isn't it! I will take this into my own bloody hands and figure something out. One way or another I AM MOVING AWAY FROM THIS NO WHERE DEAD END TOWN! I will leave ! And nothing shall stop me, unless I freaking die trying to leave. You know... then I just can't really go anywhere can I.
I'm going to apply for student loans, because I don't think my parents can pay for me to go to University now. I think when I become an adult, with kids, as soon as I have one, I will begin saving for college. Put a little money aside for them here and there you know. Like what my Nana did, but more. Figure out how much I need to put away a year, until they reach the age for them to go to college.

I am Tired now and feel very sick and unwell.
I am unhappy right now and wish I could cry and have a hug.
:(